The TRUTH about having a chronic illness.

The truth is if you see me walking down the street I don’t look sick. Most days anyway. I am a fast walker, an avid hiker and I love to ride my bike. There is nothing that I can’t do. On most days. Even on some of the days where I am powering down the street I am feeling nauseous and dizzy but I am tough! I can handle a little bit of nausea and dizziness. There are other days, usually the day after I take Methotrexate for my rheumatoid arthritis where I feel much worse. I feel incredibly nauseous and dizzy. I experience diarrhea, stomach pain and vomiting. Then there are other days where my joints flare. They become stiff, swollen and very painful. I find these days very frutrating! I am a go go person. I want to be outside experiencing life. When I am in the house I am getting things done! I am NOT one to sit around. So when my joints flare and I have no choice but to sit I start to get depressed. My freedom of movement is taken from me. My freedom from pain is taken from me. I would say that I am affected by this likely more than the average person. The average person is happy to sit and watch TV and relax. I do NOT watch TV. I am very much feel the need to be a part of the world not sitting back and watching it. Another thing I find frustrating about this disease is the medication I take to control it surpresses my immune system so I get infections easier than other people. That means I get sick more often. What is also frustrating is some peoples inability to understand what I go through. I am expected to act like a normal healthy person because I look that way and most of the time act that way. So when I am taken down for a while people just seem to think I am being lazy or I that I should be able to suck it up and just get r done! For the last week I have been feeling very unwell. I have the chills then the sweats. I feel exhausted and more dizzy and nauseous then usual. I am also going through some emotional stuff right now as well which always seems to make matter worse when it comes to my health. I had to take some time off from work because of my health and a friend of mine told me basically that I need to suck it up and go to work anyway. It is attitudes like this that I find frustrating. I would love nothing more than to just be able to suck it up! In fact I do suck it up, almost everyday I feel unwell to some degree and I suck it up and do what I need to do. But there are times when sucking it up is just not an option. For me to accept this fact of life has been difficult and it only frustrates me more when the people around me can’t understand. Sometimes I am sick. That is just the way it is. Sometimes I need to take time to rest. That is just the way it is. I am not being lazy. I am not slacking. I am sick and I need to take the time to rest, just like the doctor tells me to. I only wish there were more people out there who understood these things. Who understands that I am not an normal healthy person even though it seems that way most of the time. Sometimes all I need is a little bit of love and understanding to make my world a better place. So I can take the time I need to get healthy and be able to get back to life..when I am ready!

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