I remember so clearly a warm sunny day a couple months after my first son was born back in 1991. I was sitting outside on a blanket with my new baby boy and I remember thinking how I couldn’t wait for time to hurry so I would be able to play with this little creature who just laid there looking around. I remember thinking it would take forever before that would happen. Now I realize that forever wasn’t really so far away. That little baby that laid so sweetly beside me very quickly grew into that little boy I wanted to run around and play with. But the thing about hurrying time is it doesn’t slow down from there it keeps on going faster and faster. By the time I had my third baby boy I started to realize how quickly babies grow. Its been 21 years since my first son was born and I can honestly say I have no idea how all this time has flown by so quickly. I wish I could go back to that warm day when my first baby boy laid on that blanket. I would take back my wish for time to hurry. I would go back to that moment and just enjoy holding this tiny little creature and just pour all my love into him. I realize now that I made a wish and it came true. I wished for time to move faster and that is what it did. The older I get the faster it seems to move. I now wish I had never made that wish. I wish I had the patience I’ve learned over the years way back then (although some would argue that I still don’t have any patience). I wish I wasn’t in such a rush. I wish I knew then just how precious time really is.
Today I woke up feeling sad, anxious and overwhelmed with all the things that are going on in my life. I am in the middle of making some serious life changes that are affecting me. Also there are other things that are upsetting me as well.. Today is my Mom’s Birthday. She is only 66 and she has been in a nursing home for 4 years now with Alzheimer’s disease. I feel such great sadness when I think of her. It would be easier if I knew she wasn’t suffering but every time I go visit her it is obvious that she is. I pray for her suffering to end. The sad part of how her suffering will in end is that means she will have to die. In my opinion death is better than what she is going though now.
I worry about my father who just recently was told he has to go on oxygen for the rest of his life and just before he was told that, his girl friend of two years broke up with him abruptly. He has battled bladder cancer twice so far and still has to keep a close eye on it to make sure it doesn’t come back again. I know my Dad is feeling depressed right now and there is nothing I can do to help him. I can’t go visit him or my mother because they live in Barrie and I don’t have a car. I must admit to feel some guilt over not being able to get there to see them.
I worry about my friend Erich who was my bf until I broke up with him a month ago. He is still very special to me but I can’t be with him while I have another love on my mind. Its just not fair to him. We have been living together since May and now has to move out but he is finding it very difficult to find a new place to live. Around the same time we broke up Erich found himself out of a job as well. He has gone through some difficulties over the last few years that I feel he has not deserved to go through, but then again, do any of us really deserve to go through hell? Not only do I worry about Erich but I am also sad to see him go. He has opened my eyes to so many truths and showed me so much love. More than anything Erich has been a great friend to me. It is because of Erich that I realized that I was still in love with my ex. He even went as far as to encourage to me to try and work things out with Adam. Even though I know that Erich and I not being together is the right thing, I can’t help but feel some sadness at not having him in my life any more.
I worry about Adam, the man I am in love with. He also has been through some rough times that he hasn’t deserved. I only hope he loves me enough to have patience to wait for me. I hope he has enough love for me to understand that I may be crazy but I am authentic and full of love and I mean well in the things I do and say.
I realize this post is on the negative side but I just feel like today is a day to allow myself to feel this way and to allow myself to express how I am feeling. Sometimes we all just need a day to feel sad, a day to grieve. Tomorrow the sun will shine again. Tomorrow I will be glad I gave myself this day to feel my sadness!
I’ve included a video of me visiting my Mother at the nursing home to show some truth about someone who suffers from Alzheimer’s and what its like for the ones who love them. Happy Birthday Mom!
Life is hard when you know truths about life and the the way the world really is. What makes it so hard is that I am alone in my knowledge. Very few people believe the things I believe. Not only do very few people believe but the hardest part to deal with is that people don’t want to know the truth. The truth is not a happy truth. Once you really know what the truth is you can’t go back to not knowing. I am not like most other people. The truth is I can’t be like them and I don’t want to be! I can not waste my short time on this planet sitting in front of a TV watching crap that doesn’t even matter. The only reason TV exists is to control the masses. To make us want. To make us buy. To make us give our money back to the evils that created it in the first place. I also don’t enjoy fluff talk. You know the talk that everyone ‘just does’ to everyone else every single day. Talking about things that don’t matter. Just scraping along the surface of what humans are really made of. Superficial BULLSHIT time sucking pointless drivel is just not for me, it is not my forte.
I am a very passionate person. When I speak about issues I believe in I usually get quite zesty. I speak loudly yet not unintelligently. My hands move around and I can feel this amazing surge of energy go through my whole body. Basically I feel really good. But for some reason some people take my passion and zest for something else. Anger perhaps? Or they think I am “yelling” at them. I came across this problem last night. I had been drinking some wine, so perhaps that was part of the problem. I was speaking passionately to a smoker about how I feel about smoking and why smoking pot was different from smoking cigarettes. As I spoke I did so with a smile on my face and cheer in my heart but the person I was speaking to did not take it that way. He thought I was “yelling” at him and “preaching”. Even though I apologized and tried to explain that was not my intention, it was too late. Not only did he perceive me this way but then he started to speak about my blog as the AntiFictionist. Telling me that I am just another form of propaganda. Which is in a way true, however there is a difference: The Antifictionist is not trying to “SELL” you anything, I as the AntiFictionist am not trying to convince anyone to believe or become indoctrinated to the ideas I share. I am merely trying to encourage people to question the things they have been told, to question the things I write about, to question EVERYTHING!
QUESTION EVERY THING !! EVERY SINGLE THING !!
There is an old saying: “believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see’, go by that.
Our media saturated culture has us unsociably collected afraid and ‘comfortable’ in our homes in front of our brain washing machines, soaking up any and all the dribble that the globes giant corporations have prepared for us with meticulousness, precision, planning and understanding of human psychology. We are all victims of so called ‘capitalism’ and the layer of control of our daily lives is our buying into being willing docile shmeeple, doing what we are told, talking about what we are told to talk about, wanting what we are told to want.
You just can’t open your eyes to this truth and shut them.
It does not work this way.
I can no longer conform even if I wanted to. So here I am alone. Alone on my quest for betterment of society. Betterment of myself. The way I know that this must occur is to continue to express myself in authenticity and with great passion and energy, I know this is the ‘proper’ method for me, since I can sense such a strong surge of strong positive energy when I am besieged in the moment with great excitement telling people of the things I have come to know. I don’t intend to preach, I don’t intend to be another form of ‘propaganda’ I only and have always intended to be inspirational to deeper thinking and questioning of what we all accept as quote: “Normal” on a daily basis in our heavily controlled consumerist fake culture.
I just want everyone I know and Love to have a chance at opening their eyes to the lies we’ve all been trained to believe in since birth, you got over Satan Clause and the Easter bunny didn’t you?
What is the real reason Marijuana is illegal? Does the government really believe that harm will come to us by using marijuana? Or is the reason for its illegality far more sinister? If we look back over the history of Hemp we find so many beneficial uses for it. For its ability to be made into textiles, paper, fuel, food and also its many medicinal uses. It is a completely renewable resource, unlike the use of trees (which takes hundreds of years to renew) and fossil fuels. After reading about the history of this product it becomes clear that the only reasons it was made illegal was because of conspiracy and propaganda. Major influences from the Pulp and Paper industry as well as the Petrochemical industry were directly involved in their elected capacity as policy makers in government, taking advantage of their position and abusing the trust of their power they conspired to protect themselves and their resource rape business with creating laws and PR campaigns that demonized the use of active Marijuana to abolish the ZERO potency Hemp products as well, since they would if they remained free potentially replace the entire Petrochemical industry and habit of harvesting trees for Pulp and Paper.
In 1938 the Mayor of New York, Fiorello La Guardia, commissioned the Greater Medical Association of New York to study the effects and use of marijuana. Their report was published in 1944, and remains one of the most comprehensive studies done on the health and social effects of marijuana smoking. Among other things, the La Guardia report found that:
the behaviour of the smoker is of a friendly, sociable character, and aggressiveness and belligerence are not commonly seen.
The study also found no relationship between crimes of violence and marijuana. The recommendations of this report were ignored.
Recently it was discovered that marijuana cures certain types of cancer. Don’t believe me? Google: marijuana cures cancer. The Pharmaceutical industry does not want you to know about this. You could save your own life for free without the need for costly pharmaceutical drugs which have many adverse side effects.
I myself use medicinal marijuana for chronic pain and inflammation caused by Psoriatic arthritis that I have suffered with for over twenty years and has immobilized me to a wheel chair twice. Since discovering the use of medicinal marijuana my quality of life has improved greatly. I am able to enjoy hiking, swimming, sometimes biking and even cleaning my house pain reduced, pain reduced means I can move around with less stiffness, inflammation and pain in my joints.
I am a strong believer that Marijuana should NOT be illegal. We as human beings should have the right to grow any plant without interference from any political system! It should not be up to the government to tell us what we can and can not grow. Marijuana should be allowed to be grown naturally by the people who choose to use this miracle plant as medicine.
Thank you Freud! Without Freuds psychoanalysis media would not exist in the all encompassing form it is today. The makers of this documentary will show you how over the last 100+ years of history the teachings and works of Dr. Zigmond Frued transformed how the Plutocratic powers that be would weild the control over society and it’s every desire, want, need and creative constructivism. Collectively then as captives individually, we were and have been shaped by societies controlling mechanisms within the media and marketing industry, as it evolved from WWI offices of propaganda. As willing participants raised in a consumerist capitalist captive industrial society we are prepared for life long consumption feeding our base emotional desires and wants, as we perceived them to be based upon our constant and ever increasing ‘Media Saturation Culture’.
Watch this film below for a 4 hour 4 part BBC documentary, and you will learn the knowledge/theories applied, the direct evolutionary course and the individuals and corporations who designed this world/society we currently occupy as slaves that vote only with their pocket books.
Is ADHD/ADD actually a disease? or is it just a myth? Could this be a disease not of the individual suffering with ADHD/ADD but of the society that expects individuals to behave a certain way? Is it just possible that these individuals are born with more energy then the average person and perhaps their brain proccesses things faster and that is where the inability to deal with long drawn out monotonous functions? We are all born witrh different sets of characteristics of our personality(ies) Perhaps the problems is with societies inability to accept these individuals as unique and perhaps they should stop trying to force them to be like others?Maybe these children require more attention from their parents then the average person needs and when they dont get it they suffert? Maybe parents need to put down the remote control, cell phone and every other life distraction and spend more time paying attention to them & showing them how special they are. Maybe teachers need to stop trying to make these children fit into the regular school delivery of the regular curriculum. Not everyone fits into the way the current education stands. Maybe we need to make a better education system for these people and all people. Instead of druging these children parents should step up and deal with their childrens uniquness instead of giving in to societies “normal” In these video below and decide what is fact and what is fiction!
We have been told that we need fluoride in our water to prevent tooth decay. What we haven’t been told is that fluoride is a drug that we are being given, without consent. What we are not being told is where this fluoride comes from. What we are also not being told is the detrimental effects of consuming fluoride. Please don’t just take my word for it. Watch this 3 part video of one of Canada’s leading dental researcher Dr. Hardy Limeback talk about the realities if fluoride.